i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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