i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
