it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
