I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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