and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
