I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
