So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
