I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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