im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
