Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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