I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
