Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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