Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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