I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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