I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
