I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
