I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
