let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
