Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
