i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
