Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I party with great urgency now.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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