am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
