hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
