i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's rum buckets o'clock
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
