Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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