He had one of those small greek statue penises
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize