I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she was so not down for the gang bang
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
