the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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