if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You smell like a Billy Joel song
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
