Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
