My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
