4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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