I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
