I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
