i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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