Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
