well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize