Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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