Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
