when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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