i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
