My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
