My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
