So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
