I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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