just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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