you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
