please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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