He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
