goodnight i made you a song goodbye
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
