I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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