someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
