Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
