i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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