I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
