She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
