is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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