fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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