that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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