I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Found the puke drawer
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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