so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
