literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
