i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
