Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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