In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
