Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Randomize
