She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
