so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you would pick up someone in the library
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
