just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
