yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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