is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
