We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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