No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
