Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
