I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
