My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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