After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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