He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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