The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
