we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The air taste purple.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
