You smell like stripper and shame
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
