I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
