How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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