It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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