how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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